


Undead Origins Rewritten

by Whiskey_With_Patron



Series: Undead Origins [1]
Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-14 17:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18952984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whiskey_With_Patron/pseuds/Whiskey_With_Patron
Summary: This version of the comic, rewritten in the form of a book, follows Hollywood Undead's members as they discover a deep conspiracy: all across Los Angeles, people are acting unnaturally happy and compliant. People in the counterculture are suddenly fitting into society, finding square jobs and loving them. Is it clones? Robots? Alien replacements? The crew discovers that in reality, it's a system of mental and physical alteration, funded by a powerful tech mogul-turned city councilman. And what's more, the "victims" aren't victims at all- they're undergoing the process voluntarily. But our guys won't stand for that. They work to destroy the facility, assisted by like-minded people from across the city.





	Undead Origins Rewritten

**Author's Note:**

> I'm only doing this so I can see how long Undead Origins would be as a book because I'm writing a sequel to it. I just wanted to figure out how long I should make the sequel in comparison to the original, and I figured I might as well post it as long as I'm doing it. its probably going to suck but enjoy i guess

You've heard everything there is to hear about Hollywood. About the dark depths beneath the shiny surface, about the fake smiles and the shattered fantasies. All that fancy bullshit.

But not everyone arrived there with a dream. For some- even many- of its residents, it's just a place.

Just a place where they're trying to survive.

 

Charlie Scene stumbled as the owner of 1 Stop Shop shoved him out of the store. His bluetooth fell from his ear and clattered to the pavement.

"And don't come back until-" The store owner paused. "On second thought, just don't come back!"

Charlie knelt down and picked up his bluetooth as the owner slammed the door closed.  J-Dog flipped the owner off through the window. Charlie stood and joined the rest of the group, and the five of them started down the street.

Danny threw a few punches into the air as they walked. "You want me to teach you a couple moves for next time, Charlie?"

Charlie put his bluetooth back in his ear. "I coulda taken him, Danny. Just didn't want to. Obviously." He shrugged. "Way I see it, if you never piss anyone off, you're doing something wrong!"

Johnny 3 Tears snorted. "Then you are definitely doing everything right."

The five boys stopped short when a car skidded past them and collided with a man walking across the street. The man went flying and the car sped away, leaving the broken body behind on the pavement.

"Hey!" Funny Man yelled as he, Johnny, and Charlie ran after the car. "No one hits and runs in my town!"

"People do that all the time, Funny Man!" Johnny shouted.

"Not right in front of us!"

They did their best to catch up, but... you know... it was a car.

Danny and J-Dog knelt next to the man who had been hit. He looked bad. His arm was bent at an unnatural angle, and his chest rattled as he struggled to breathe. Blood dribbled out of his mouth and nose. One of his eyes was bleeding, too. He barely seemed conscious.

"Hey," Danny said, "you're gonna be okay, man. Just-"

"No." J-Dog interrupted. "You're not." He looked up at Danny. "Would you want someone to lie to you?"

Danny hesitated. "Kinda, yeah."

J-Dog looked down at the man. "Is there someone you want us to call? Any message you want to give us?"

The man wheezed when he spoke. "No, it's... it's okay. This is okay..." His eyes fluttered closed as his voice trailed off. "There's no use... letting it... bother me..."

The other three guys gathered around them as the man's entire body went limp. People say weird things when near death. Normally, they might have just chalked it up to that. But not lately.

Lately, more and more of Los Angeles' citizens have seemed... way too happy. Suddenly carefree, despite all the shit going on in the world.

 

"And nothing but lies!" Suzie exclaimed. She was Johnny's neighbor. The two of them stood in the elevator and waited to reach their floor of the apartment building. As they waited, Suzie ranted about Councilman Book, a politician who had risen to popularity in recent months.

"As opposed to all those politicians who tell the truth?" Johnny said.

Suzie sighed. "Yeah, but..." She paused when the elevator doors opened.

"Some snakes are more venomous than others," Johnny finished.

The two of them stepped out of the elevator. "You get it, Johnny," Suzie said. "You-" She stopped short when she saw a man opening the door to his apartment. "Whoa!" She quickly approached the man, immediately forgetting all about their conversation. She looked the man up and down. "New haircut," she observed. "An outfit that isn't just a dirty t-shirt and shorts. What're you, joining the Hitler youth?"

The man laughed. "Of course not, Suzie. The corporate rat race!"

Johnny had never seen the guy before, but he definitely looked too well dressed to be living in their shitty building. Johnny simply brushed past the guy and approached the door to his own apartment. 

"Same difference," Suzie said. "Seriously, what happened to you?"

The man gestured to the door. "Come in and I'll tell you."

Johnny entered his own apartment, but he couldn’t help but sneak one last curious glance at the guy as he and Suzie disappeared into his home. "'The corporate rat race.'" Johnny muttered. "Who talks like that?"

 

"No one," J-Dog said. He and Charlie sat outside Charlie's apartment building on the front steps, discussing what had happened just the night before. "No family, no survivors. Guy was homeless until he suddenly cleaned up and got a job a couple weeks ago." He sighed and took a swig of his beer. "So why was he so okay with dying? Why are people so fucking... chill lately? What the fuck is going on?"

Charlie shrugged and absently raised his hand to pet the parrot perched on his shoulder. "Nothing is going on, man. People are just weird. I'm weird, you're weird, the dominatrix accountant who lives below me is weird."

He heard footsteps behind him and turned around to see a short, stout woman standing behind him. "I know, I know, Mrs. Hernandez. No drinking on the stoop."

Charlie's parrot squawked. "No drinking on the stoop!" it echoed.

Charlie shot it an annoyed glance. "I know, I just said-"

"Oh, I don't mind," the lady said. "You seem to have your drinking under control, young man." With that, she turned and went back into the apartment building.

Charlie stared after her for a second before turning back to J-Dog. "What the _fuck_ is going on?" 

 

Funny Man and King Don often liked to spend time in Don's house, dismantling various things and seeing what they could make. Don was much better at it than Funny Man, but Funny tried his best. That was exactly what they were doing while all of this was going down. Don had turned on the TV for some background noise, but the only thing on every channel seemed to be Councilman Book talking about some rumours that had popped up about him recently. 

"No, no, no," Book was saying. "What you call 'restricting movement', I simply call 'keeping the city safer'. As your own station reported, support for my plan has increased among-"

"Aliens!" Funny Man blurted, interrupting Book in the middle of a sentence. "Robot replacements! Brain implants!"

 

"All of the above!" Funny Man yelled, having just repeated his spiel to the rest of the guys. Well, all of them but Charlie. He hadn't shown up yet. They all met up at Don's bar later that night just to hang out, but it had turned into a lengthy discussion about Book and what he might have been planning.

"Aliens?" Don muttered for the second time that day. He didn't seem to find any of Funny's theories believable.

"Man, why is everyone acting so paranoid lately?" Danny muttered as he downed another shot.

Johnny finished a line of cocaine off the bar and looked up. "It's a mystery."

The door swung open and Charlie sauntered in, his parrot on his shoulder. "You're late," Danny said.

"Nah man," Charlie said, taking a seat at the bar. "I'm just really early for tomorrow night's drinking. What did I miss?"

"What did we miss!" his parrot squawked.

"About forty beers and twenty shots between all of us," J-Dog said. "Oh, and Danny thinks we're all paranoid."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "What, because of the robot replacements?"

"My money is still on brain implants," Funny Man said. "Science can do amazing-"

"Robot replacements!" J-Dog exclaimed. He found that theory one of the more ridiculous ones, and _that_ was the one Charlie was choosing to believe?

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Look, whatever it is, this shit is _real_. My landlady-"

"No drinking on the stoop!" his parrot interrupted. 

"It's not the people who are changing," Danny sighed. "The world is changing. Things are going to shit, okay? So of course people are gonna do their best to roll with it. Give up or stop fighting, or-"

Johnny put a hand on Danny's shoulder. "Nah, Danny. Like Charlie said..." His voice trailed off when he spotted a familiar face walking into the bar. "This shit is real," he finished.

He walked up to Suzie and the well-dressed man she had spoken to last night. "What did you do to her?" he demanded. She was dressed in a nice button up blouse and a pencil skirt. Johnny knew she normally wouldn't be caught dead wearing that. 

Suzie blinked incredulously. "Do to me?"

Johnny ignored her and glared at the man. "Because no way does this chick up and join your 'rat race' without some serious brainwashing. Or-"

"He didn't do any-" Suzie started, but Johnny didn't let her finish. 

"What happened to you, then. What is happening to everyone?" He heard footsteps as the rest of the guys gathered behind him. They could sense a fight coming on, and they weren't about to let Johnny beat the shit out of this guy alone.

"Something wonderful," the man said. "Just calm down and-"

"I just joined the corporate rat race!" Suzie exclaimed. 

"Is he hurting you?" Danny asked, pointing at the man with his half-empty beer bottle. "You want us to get you away from this guy so you can talk to us about-"

"Robots, or brain implants," Johnny finished. "Or whatever you-"

The man put his hands on Johnny's arms in an attempt to calm him down."As I was just explaining to your friend-" 

The man never got to finish his sentence. Johnny wrenched his arm out of the man's grip and decked him in the face. Blood spewed out of the man's mouth and he stumbled backward. The guys all stood back to back as almost everyone in the bar immediately surrounded them. There were obviously outnumbered, and King Don ran into the back room before things could get ugly.

Someone lunged at Johnny, and he dodged their fist and body-slammed them into the bar. Charlie picked them up while they were dazed and threw them to the ground with all the force he could muster.

"Robot replacements!" Funny Man shouted as he hopped over the bar. "They're all robot replacements!" He examined some of the stuff on the shelves. "Let's see... What have we got here?" He wasn't a great fighter, so maybe a weapon of some sort could help him out.

Danny ducked as Charlie tossed some guy over the crowd. "Everything would be fine if you would just listen!" the man shouted just before he crashed into the wall.

"Yes!" another man said. "Just let us- _oof!"_ He was cut off when Johnny jabbed his elbow into the guy's face.

Charlie had backed another guy against the pool table and shoved the cue ball into the guy's mouth. "Effplain!" the man tried to say around the ball. "Ee can effplain!"

"Say hello to my tiny friend!" Charlie shouted smugly. Right on cue, his parrot squawked and lunged forward to scratch at the man's face, but a pair of hands snatched the bird right of the air. Charlie whirled around, and someone tackled him at the waist. Danny rushed forward and broke a bottle over the head of the man who had grabbed the bird, but two others grabbed Charlie and dragged him out the door. 

"This is all just a terrible misunderstanding!" one of the men said as they pulled Charlie out of the bar.

"Charlie!" J-Dog yelled in a panic. He rushed after the men, followed by the majority of the people in the bar. 

Funny Man hopped over the bar holding a broom handle tied to a broken bottle. "We are totally gonna win this thing, guys! We are totally gonna-" He stopped when the string holding his makeshift spear together unraveled. He watched as an entire new crowd flooded into the building, each person looking absolutely ready to kick their asses.

"Run like hell!" Johnny screamed.

The guys finally let go of Charlie, and he immediately pushed himself to his feet and raised his fists. His parrot swooped down and landed on his shoulder, wings spread, ready to attack at Charlie's command.

"Hear that sound?" one man in the mob taunted. "That's the sound of your friends abandoning you."

"That's okay," Charlie said. "We can still kick all your-"

"No," J-Dog interrupted. "We can't." He took a deep breath. "You keep telling us to listen... We'll listen."

Charlie lowered his fists and crossed his arms. He assumed J-Dog had a plan.

He was wrong.

Johnny, Danny, and Funny Man all pushed through the crowd and dashed down the street, unaware that Charlie and J-Dog were no longer behind them. The new mob followed, and the boys didn't lose them until they managed to pull ahead and duck into an alley. They stayed quiet as the mob ran past their hiding place.

Danny put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. "I know things must be bad. Charlie hasn't made a joke in like... ten minutes."

His comment was met with silence. Johnny glanced around them. "Charlie?"

No one had a plan. Not yet.

 

A redheaded scientist from Book Industries chuckled. "No. No, it's definitely not robot replacements."

"Told you so," J-Dog said.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "What? No. _You_ said it was-"

J-Dog rolled his eyes. "Don't try to rewrite history! You know what you said!"

J-Dog and Charlie had reluctantly let someone from the mob drive them to Book Technologies, the main research center for Book Industries. The way J-Dog saw it, there was no way they could get out of that mess without doing what they asked, so now they were touring the lab with some lady who hadn't bothered to tell them her name.

"It's not brain implants either," the lady said. She gestured to a large screen that said "BOOK INDUSTRIES". As they watched, the screen cut to a video of someone's head cut open to expose their brain. Three needles stuck out of the brain, and someone's hand reached into the frame and stuck in another. Charlie cringed involuntarily. What the fuck were they doing at this place?

"Just the tiniest bit of brain surgery," the lady explained. "To prep your cerebral cortex for what's to come. Like having your tonsils out."

"What's to come?" J-Dog asked.

The screen changed to a video of a woman sitting in a chair and staring into space with blank eyes. A man in a a full hazard suit stood behind her and held a needle up to her neck. "Next is chemical alteration," the lady continued. "Like taking mother's little helper... just a tad more permanent." The screen switched to a video of a man wearing something that looked like a virtual reality helmet. "And finally, behavioral modification. Tailored to your lifestyle and personal goals."

The screen switched off. Charlie stared at it for a moment, processing what he just saw, then turned to J-Dog. "Hey, you do have a plan for getting the fuck out of here, right? I'm starting to get a little-"

"Frightened," the woman finished. "Anxious. Apprehensive." She smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Am I getting close? Because those are all problems we're here to fix. Be removing all of your anxieties and fears, we lift from you the burden of-"

"Being human?" Charlie finished.

"Being human!" his parrot screeched.

"You're not a-" Charlie started.

"Faaaaaaq you!" his parrot squawked.

Charlie scoffed. "Look, I don't care how many robots or aliens or whatever you have-"

"Not robots or aliens," the woman interrupted. "I literally just explained that."

"You can't force me to do any of this!" Charlie exploded. "No fucking way!"

The lady blinked. "Wait... who said anything about forcing you? We didn't handcuff you. We didn't blindfold you. We're giving you a tour of our laboratory. Don't you see what's happening? We're not forcing the process on anyone."

She smiled and gestured to the screen, which blinked on and showed a dozen images of smiling faces. Charlie recognized the face of his landlady within them. 

"They're choosing it," the woman said.

Charlie stepped back in surprise. Were the people of Los Angeles really that desperate for a better life that they would let some lunatics poke around in their heads?

The lady dug a small device out of her pocket and spoke into it. "I believe Mr. Scene and his avian partner would like to leave now. Please give him a ride back to his-"

Charlie slung an arm around J-Dog's shoulders. "Yeah, come one, J-Dog. Let's go."

J-Dog shrugged Charlie's arm off his shoulder and stepped away. "J-Dog?" Charlie said.

"I'm staying, Charlie." J-Dog wouldn't meet his eyes. "They're right. The world used to just be... nicer. Greener plants. Friendlier people. It's not gonna change back anytime soon, so if there's a way for _me_ to change... to make it feel that way again..."

Charlie shook his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "No way, man. We're both leaving. Right-"

"I said the process is voluntary," the woman interjected as two security guards walked up and grabbed Charlie's arms. "But you are not allowed to stay here and bother our other clients. We'll be here when you change your mind." She smiled wickedly as the two guards dragged Charlie out of the building. "And believe me, you will change your mind. This was just a trial run. Phase two starts tonight!"

 

Danny knocked back another shot. He, Johnny, Funny Man, and King Don had returned to the bar and were trying to lay out a game plan to find J-Dog and Charlie. Don had closed up the bar early so the guys could have some privacy in their scheming. "Gotta find them as fast as we can," Danny said. "For all we know, they could be robots by now."

"It's not robots."

The guys whirled around to see Charlie walking through the door, fists clenched and gazing at the ground. "It's a voluntary process of brain surgery, chemical alteration, and behavioral modification, to remove fear and anxiety." He pulled a seat up to the bar and slumped into it. He looked tired, almost defeated.

"That was my next guess," Danny said.

"And where's J-Dog?" Funny Man asked.

Charlie sighed. "Remember when I said it was voluntary? He volunteered."

There was a moment of silence as they all thought about what they just heard. "What happens next?" Johnny asked finally. "We need to get J-Dog out of there, right?"

Charlie nodded. "And pretty damn fast. Scientist lady said 'phase two' starts tonight. And who knows what that could-"

Funny Man leaned forward. "Hey King Don! Turn up the television!"

Don picked up a broom handle and raised it to the TV above his head. "Right on."

Book's voice came through the speakers. "Have you noticed how many of your friends have a new spring in their step lately? How many of your neighbors and coworkers are walking around without a care in the world? It's probably because they've paid a visit to Book Technologies, where we're solving all of society's problems, one happy customer at a time. I'm Councilman Book, and I'm proud to announce that through a unique public-private partnership, the process is now available to any Los Angeleno who wants it. Come on down. You'll be glad you-"

His voice was suddenly cut off. King Don looked at the others, the plug for the TV in his hand.

They all stared up at the blank TV screen. "Okay," Johnny said. "We're gonna need a plan."

 

 J-Dog sat in a chair in one of Book Technologies' various rooms, elbows resting on his legs and his hands folded under his chin. The redheaded lady from earlier stood in front of him, scribbling something on a clipboard.

"So, like..." he began, "when you say the tiniest bit of brain surgery..."

"As tiny as possible, Mister..." She paused. "Do you prefer J, or Mister Dog?"

He glanced at the clipboard in her hands and hesitated. He didn't want to do this alone. "Hey, maybe... Maybe I should wait for the other guys. Maybe we should do this all at-"

"No problem," the lady said. She turned to the door behind her. "Security! Mr. Dog will need an escort out of the building!"

J-Dog held up a hand. "Wait, wait! I said _maybe_."

The woman tapped her pen on her chin. "Right. You want to be convinced. I'll let you in on a little secret, Mr. Dog..." She leaned in to whisper in his ear. " _Everybody_ wants to be convinced."

She stepped back and looked at him expectantly. He looked down at the floor. "Yeah," he muttered dejectedly.

"Okay!" The lady put a hand on the back of his chair and held the clipboard in front of him. "So, let's talk about your hopes and dreams and deepest traumas and darkest secrets..."

 

"So do we have a plan yet?" Danny asked as he leaned over the bar and poured himself a fresh glass of beer.

"Working on it," Johnny said, staring a piece of paper that was mostly blank. They had written down a few ideas, but all of them had been scribbled out. He picked up a pen and poised it over the page. "Do you know how long the process takes?"

Charlie shook his head. "Nah, man."

"Or when J-Dog was going to start it?" Johnny asked. "Or-"

"I know everything I've told you!" Charlie shouted. "And everything I've told you is all that I know!"

Johnny gazed at the paper for a second, deep in thought. Then he picked it up and crumpled it into a ball. "Alright. We'll just assume a worst-case scenario."

"Worst-case, best-case," Funny Man mumbled. He had dumped a bunch of hammers, pipes, and knives on a table in the bar and was busy dismantling them. "Either way, the first thing we're gonna need is weapons. Lots and lots of-"

Charlie snorted. "Man, your shit never works, Stoney MacGyver!"

Funny stood up and glared at him. "Hey, that's-"

Charlie's parrot swooped past them. "Stoney MacGyver!" it echoed.

Funny glared at the bird as it landed on its perch next to the bar. He sighed and turned away, embarrassed that he was told off by an animal. "That's true. Good point, good point."

Johnny looked up. "King Don, you want to be in charge of weapons?"

Don grinned. "Right on."

"And body armor?"

"Right on."

Danny leaned over the bar, his feet barely touching the floor, and held out his empty glass. "And maybe..."

Don took the mug and turned to the shelf of alcohol. "Right on."

Funny Man turned away from the table of weapons and gazed at one of the many masks lining the walls. "Yeah, but... we're going after powerful people here." He reached up and took the mask off the wall. It looked like a dark blue goalie mask, aside from the cannabis leaf engraved on the forehead and the letters "LA" on the left cheek. "They need to know we're powerful, too." He held the mask up to his face and turned to show the others.

Johnny took the mask in both hands and looked it over. "It's a good idea, but... it's not nearly poetic enough." He turned to the others. "These people... they're destroying our city. Screwing up our world. And then offering to brainwash us into being _okay_ with it. When they see us coming, they need to know that we're warriors. They need to know that this fight means something. That we're individuals. Not drones. And our masks have gotta show that."

Charlie grinned. "Right on."

Funny Man took the blunt out of his mouth and glanced next to him at Charlie's parrot. "Did you catch most of that? I think I kinda zoned out."

 

And off they went, to save the city. And J-Dog.

Johnny said he had a plan. Though the rest of them figured he was making it up as he went along. Phase one, he said, was to make Book Technologies open the door and let them in.

They accomplished this by driving King Don's car directly into the building.

They crashed right through the glass windows of Book Technologies, all of them desperately hoping they didn't accidentally die in the process. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't the best idea to let Johnny drive when he had just done two lines of coke off the hood of the car before they left, but at least each of them arrived in one piece.

Charlie climbed out of the car first and pushed his sunglasses up his nose. He reached behind his head to make sure his bandanna was still tied before the rest of the guys stepped out. Johnny fastened his white mask behind his head and shut the car door. His mask had two blue 3's on it, one of them on the left side of his face, the other backwards and taking up the right side of the mask. Funny Man, wearing the blue goalie mask from the bar, reached up and straightened Danny's golden mask before reaching into the car and grabbing a large battleaxe King Don had made. Danny grabbed a baseball bat studded with nails from the backseat. They had arrived at their destination, but that was the easy part.

Johnny gestured the empty room in front of them. "See?"

A set of doors in the opposite side of the room burst open, and dozens of security guards spilled into the room.

"Yeah... good plan," Funny Man muttered sarcastically.

The four of them rushed forward to meet the mob of guards. Charlie leaped onto someone's shoulders and dug his thumbs into their eyes. Blood poured off their face as Charlie pushed them over and ran to attack someone else. Danny chugged a bottle of beer (who knows where he was hiding that) and smashed the empty bottle over someone's head. Three men rushed at Funny Man, but he reared back his axe and sliced through all of their heads at once. Blood spattered onto the floor, along with what might have been brains. "Whoa. Nice job, King Don!"

Johnny kicked some guy in the balls, then grabbed him by the jacket and slammed him against a wall. "Where is he?" he demanded. "Where's J-Dog?"

The man blinked, still disoriented from the pain of Johnny kicking him. "Who?"

"Your newest client," Johnny snarled.

"We get three hundred new clients a day!"

The sound of Charlie's panicked voice snapped Johnny out of his anger. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa _whoa whoa whoa_!"

Johnny looked up to see Charlie pointing at a huge screen on the wall. With most of the guards defeated, the guys all gathered around the screen. Dozens of videos blinked across the screen. One man, fully conscious, was sitting in a chair as the skin on his head was peeled back to expose his brain. Needles stuck out of his head, and he twitched in pain as a hand reached into the frame and planted another one. One girl stared directly into the camera as her eyelids were forced open. Another guy lay dead on the ground in a puddle of blood, needles sticking out of his bare back. Someone else's hand held a fistful of bloody teeth. Charlie gagged and looked away. He was _not_ going to throw up with this bandanna over his mouth.

They all turned away from the screen and went through the doors the guards had come from. They found a large escalator leading upwards, but more guards were running down it, blocking them from reaching the upper floors. 

Johnny ran ahead towards the guards. "This way! J-Dog was in room, uh... um..."

"Twenty-three D," Funny man answered. Unlike Johnny, he had actually been listening while Don had tracked down the location of J-Dog back at the bar.

"Twenty-three D!" Johnny repeated confidently. He body-slammed a guard over the side of the escalator. Another one lunged at him, but Charlie grabbed the guy and easily tossed him over the side. Danny lagged behind, downing another bottle of beer. 

A fist flew past Funny Man's face and he stumbled backward in surprise. He swung his axe at the guy who tried to punch him and blood blossomed on the guy's shirt. While he was disoriented, Funny Man pushed him to the floor far below the escalator. "Never mess with a guy holding a..." He glanced at his axe. "Whatever this is!"

They finally reached the top of the escalator. Charlie punched one last guy before they dashed down the hall. They weren't sure how they already ended up on floor twenty-three, but they guessed the adrenaline of fighting had warped their sense of time. That, and all of them were either drunk or high. They could have driven directly into the twenty-second floor for all they knew.

They found Room D and Charlie slowly opened the door. A security guard stood very close to them, his back to the door. The redheaded scientist lady from before sat in a chair, writing something on a clipboard. She was facing a chair that was reclined so whoever was sitting in it was staring at the ceiling. He froze when  J-Dog's voice carried through the air.

"The other day I saw a snail on the sidewalk. And I thought... why is no one stopping to help it?"

Charlie rolled his eyes. Leave it to J-Dog to obsess over the littlest things. He turned and nodded to Funny Man.

"And how did that make you-" the woman started, but she stopped short when Funny burst into the room and sliced through the security guard's head. She stood up from her chair and raised her clipboard as if she could use it as a weapon.

J-Dog sat up in his chair. "Hey!" He was immediately struck with fear at the sight of these four men in masks, but he read the name "Charlie Scene" on the bandanna of one of the men and relaxed. It was just the guys.

"J-Dog, you can't do this!" Funny Man shouted. "I know things are bad, but you can't give up! You have to be yourself, pain and all, and fight back. Fight back against all the-"

J-Dog held up a hand to stop him mid-sentence. "When did you guys all get masks?"

"Oh right!" Charlie reached into his jacket and pulled out a bag. He pulled something out of the bag and held it out. It was a red mask with white paint streaming from the eyes. A black dollar sign decorated the mouth, and the shape of a triangle was dented into the forehead.

"We made you one," Charlie said. He looked up at J-Dog hopefully, still holding out the mask. His expression was hidden by his bandanna and sunglasses, but J-Dog got the message.

J-Dog took the mask and looked it over. Charlie dug into the bag and pulled out a snapback with the letters LA on it, along with a grey sweater and a green camouflage jacket. He held it out to J-Dog and he took it in his free hand. "Well... this... this makes it worth fighting," J-Dog decided. "At least a little while longer."

He shed his current snapback and black sweater and tugged on the new clothes. The scientist lady stepped forward and held up the clipboard, a nervous look in her eyes. "Mr. Dog? I... I need you to-"

J-Dog turned and walked out the door without even acknowledging her. Charlie, Johnny, and Danny followed close behind, and Funny Man couldn't resist flipping her off before slamming the door behind them. 

They heard footsteps pounding up the escalator, and J-Dog and Charlie crouched down to look over the edge. Another wave of guards was running towards them at full speed. The other three gathered behind them to see. Danny hoisted his bat and glared down at the guards through his mask. Funny Man let his axe fall to his side and he leaned against Johnny, waiting idly for the guards. Charlie raised a fist, ready to deck the first person who came to the top of those stairs. J-Dog clenched a fist and glared down at the guards, raring to have a go at the assholes who almost convinced him to join them. Johnny squared his shoulders, prepared to spring into action.

So there they were. All five of them, back together once again, where they belonged. They were a team, and now that they were all together again, nothing was going to separate them. Not until they accomplished what they came here to do. They may have rescued J-Dog, but their job was far from over. 

The first of the guards leaped up to the twenty-third floor and Charlie and J-Dog were on them immediately. Charlie punched one of them in the face, but the man ran past him and tried to escape down the hall. Charlie ran after him as J-Dog knocked someone else out in one punch.

"Phase two!" Johnny shouted. "Everyone protect Funny Man!"

J-Dog faltered and almost got hit in the face. "Wait... you guys actually have a plan?"

"Johnny says so," Charlie said, shrugging right before grabbing a guard and tossing him to the ground. "But, you know..."

Danny hit someone over the head with his bat and took another swig of beer. Funny Man snatched his bat and cracked it over someone's head. He tossed the bat back to Danny before dodging a guard and pulling out his phone.

"Citizens of Los Angeles!" Funny yelled into his phone. "This is Funny Man! Wise prophet and sage of Hollywood! By now, you have all seen the commercials for the process. You've all noticed your friends and neighbors acting like... like clones, or robots, or-"

"Focus!" Johnny shouted as he grabbed a man and tossed him down the escalator.

"Right, right." Funny Man cleared his throat. "And if I know this city like I think I do, a lot of you had the same fucking reaction as me..." He turned and caught a glimpse of someone pushing Danny over the side of the escalator. "Hell. No."

So Funny Man used upstream live to reach out across the city, and King Don did all he could to give the message an extra boost. Los Angeles listened... and they came to help. Not the people at the top. Not the politicians or the movie stars. Not the corporate bosses or the titans of the industry. Not anyone who would benefit from Book Technologies' plan to make them happy and compliant zombies.

But the people on the fringes. The cracked up and the broken down. Blue collar and no collar. They came swarming out of dive bars and bodegas, back alleys and beaches. From every corner of the city, they came. To take their neighborhoods back.

Danny groggily sat up, his mask perched on top of his head instead of over his face. People were flooding into the building and attacking the security guards, so he assumed their plan had worked. 

"What the hell just..." His voice trailed off as he caught sight of a container on a nearby table. "Hey! Laboratory hooch!"

He stood up and made his way to the table. He picked up a bottle-like container and sniffed it. Sure enough, it was alcohol. He tipped his head back and poured it into his mouth. "Yeah... That's the good stuff." He lowered the container and wiped his mouth. All of a sudden, he felt a fist connect with the side of his face. He stumbled and ducked as the guy threw another punch. Danny took another swig of alcohol as the guy attempted to slam him into the table. Danny stood his ground, but he turned and glared at the guy. Why couldn't Danny just enjoy a drink without someone bothering him?

He glanced around and saw his bat on the floor. Danny picked it up, and just as the guy was about to rush at him again, he reared back and swung it at the guy's head. He stumbled back. Before the guy could regain his bearings, Danny took the container he'd been drinking from and slammed it through the back of the guy's head. It pierced through the base of his neck and went straight into his skull. Blood and brains splattered everywhere, mixing with the remaining liquid from the container. 

Danny raised his hand. It was covered in alcohol and blood. He grimaced. "Ahh, fuck." He felt something hot on his back and turned around to see broken glass containers all over the table, the liquid that used to occupy them aflame. The table was already burning, and alcohol streamed from the table to the floor. Part of the wall had already caught fire. "Ahh, fuck!"

"Run!" Danny yelled to the citizens in the room. "Run! Everybody run! This whole place is gonna explode!"

The other guys dashed down the escalator and Danny snatched his bat off the floor and flipped his mask down over his face as he fell in behind them. The rest of the citizens sprinted with them towards the doors. Some lady in an eye mask and a leather getup caught up to Charlie. "Charlie! Hey! Have you filed your taxes yet?"

Charlie hesitated as they burst through the doors. "Could we... maybe talk about it later?"

The lady smiled sweetly. "That's a no."

 

The redhead scientist breathed heavily as she ran away from the burning building that used to be Book Technologies. She had shed her lab coat back at the lab because it had caught fire, and she was starting to get cold.

A car pulled up next to her. The window rolled down, and Councilman Book's face appeared. "Dr. Judy! Get in!"

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Councilman Book! Thank you so much!"

He grinned. "Of course! What good is a visionary like me without his-"

The next thing he saw was a black blur. He screamed as something scratched at his face with razor sharp talons.

Dr. Judy watched as the thing took off and flew into the sky a second later. She hadn't even had time to react. Book clumsily shoved his car door open and covered his face with one hand. Blood trickled down his face and he collapsed to his knees on the ground. "What the _fuck_ was that?"

 

Danny shoved his hands in his pockets as Los Angeles' citizens stared up at the explosion that racked Book Technologies. "Sorry about that, guys. I kinda... mixed up some of the chemicals."

Charlie raised an eyebrow at Danny as J-Dog slung an arm around Charlie's shoulders. "What the hell are you talking about man? I pulled up the plans back at the bar and had everyone place explosive devices at key points around the building while the crowd distracted them."

Danny blinked. "When did all that happen?"

"While you were drinking."

Danny nodded. "Oh... that makes sense."

Charlie heard the familiar flapping of wings and looked up. He pulled away from J-Dog and held out his hands as his parrot swooped down towards him. "Hey! There you..."

His voice trailed off as the bird's talons opened and deposited something small and round in his palms. His eyes widened when he saw that it was someone's eyeball. "...Are," he finished as the bird took its place on his shoulder.

 

And just like that, it was over. Well, except for a very long walk home, but that was nothing new. They made their way through the city, heading to King Don's bar to inform him of their victory. They decided they would stop by 1 Stop Shop for snacks on the way.

"We won, you guys..." Danny said, as if he was only just processing this. "We actually won!"

Funny Man stuck a joint in his mouth and dug a lighter out of his pocket. "Maybe. For now. _Maybe_. We never laid an eye on Councilman Book." He lit the joint and shoved the lighter back in his pocket. "And the conspiracy goes much deeper than him. More clones out there. More robots. More everything."

"Even the technology for the process still exists," Johnny added. "We didn't beat them. Just set them way back."

J-Dog reached into his jacket and pulled out his mask. "The masks are pretty great, though."

They arrived at the convenience store and Charlie left the guys to go inside. "You guys are crazy," Danny said. "We kicked fucking ass and saved the city along the way. I'm telling you, everything is going to be different from here on out!"

"Hey Mr. Big Shot Hero!" the familiar voice of the store owner yelled. "Thank you so much for saving the city!"

The door opened and Charlie came flying out. "Now get the fuck out of my store!"

The door slammed shut and Charlie sat up on the pavement. He glanced up at the guys. All of them were grinning, silently laughing at him.

"Okay," he muttered as the five of them continued down the sidewalk. "Almost everything."

**Author's Note:**

> quick disclaimer: i do not own any of the plotline in this story, this was simply a rewrite made for the sole purpose of gauging the length of the story so I can figure out how long to write the sequel. i hope you enjoyed this, because i actually had a really fun time writing it! also, forgive me if some things are missing in the tags, this is my first time publishing something on ao3 so I'm still not 100% sure how to use it.


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